ClearLakeBB

     Home run calls in baseball are getting old. Some prime examples are "Fly fly away", "Back back back", and especially "An A Bomb...from A-Rod". Sure we get the occasional gem like Stuart Scott's "As cool as the other side of the pillow" or Kenny Mayne's "I'm not sure what the pitch was, but it tastes like chicken" but they are few and far between. Baseball needs an infusion of younger announcers with new and improved catch phrases. I have come to the conclusion that the easiest way to do this would be the use of texting lingo. I offer you a short list that I have come up with followed by the new meaning and a sentence using the phrase. Batter up!

• bff         been flying forever               He hit that so hard it has BFF!
• brb        ball really blasted               Here's the pitch, that BRB over the right field wall!
• fml         friggin' mile                         Chipper takes it a FML!
• imho     it might hit orbit                   Crushed and IMHO!
• lmao     lifted mightily and out         The ball is LMAO to center!
• lol          launched out (to) left          He swings and LOL!
• omg     one more gone                     McCann homered his first at bat, and OMG!
• rotf        rocked over the fence          Hit well and ROTF!
• tmi        three men in                         Runners on first and second...TMI!
• ttyl         take that you losers             Heyward, tired of the opposing teams fans says TTYL!
• wtf        watch the fans                       WTF in the bleachers fight for that souvenir!

You can of course use combinations like "Curveball and OMG a FML WTF, TTYL!"

As I was watching some college basketball last week I noticed one of the players names was spelled wrong. I guess I can’t really say it was spelled wrong, English is a complex language and has lots of variables, but it was spelled stupidly. It wasn’t like Dwyane Wade, where the a and the y are reversed. This guys name was Steffphon Pettigrew. That’s right, Steffphon. I can understand 1 or 2 f’s, or the ph, but to have all three? Isn’t that a tad bit redundant? It makes the spell checker in my word program go crazy!

I know every parent likes to think of their child as “special” or “unique” but giving them a name that is spelled like that just makes you appear ignorant. Your “special” child has to go through life with that name, why would you do that to them? I have a friend who named her son Sky (she was a flower child). He hated his name so much that he wrote an essay about it in junior high school, but at least she spelled it right. There are probably little people running around now named Skie, Scy, Sckiey, or Schye.

If you remember the movie Splash, Tom Hanks is walking with the mermaid (she had legs at the time) and she picks the name “Madison” after seeing a street sign. He replies that Madison is not a name. Now, of course, it is a fairly common first name. Unfortunately, it has morphed into Maddison, Madysen, Maddyson, or Mattecin.

As always, this blog is not meant to be hateful or malicious. I’m not trying to hurt people or offend anyone in any way, shape, or form. Just use some common sense people! Your child is a precious thing and should be treated as such. Spelling their name differently isn’t going to improve them or their life. It could make them miserable.  

Feel free to add names to this post – I get a kick out of some of your responses!  

 Every time I sit down to watch a sporting event something invariably happens that bothers me. I am not a difficult person and I don't make a habit of looking for the "bad things" in sports but I'm sure I am not the only one that feels this way. Here are a few of the things that grind my gears. I apologize if anything I say offends you - it is not meant to be malicious. Feel free to add to the list.

Basketball - A player makes (or misses) a free throw and has to slap hands with his teammates. (Just shoot the ball dummy.)

Football - A player makes a tackle, pounds his chest and runs toward the middle of the field. (Look at me, I tackled, I'm good!) 

Hockey - Fighting (I know, it's a part of the game to hockey purists but no other sport allows it. Maybe they should in women's tennis!)

Baseball - The designated hitter. (If you can't hit, you don't belong here. What's next - a designated runner for guys that are slow?)